Get Down Tonight!

Tax season has officially begun! Hey, how come no one else is cheering? Okay, okay, so the rest of you aren't quite as excited about 1099's, 1098's, and W-2's as I am. In any case, I don't have time to write a post so it's video time again. This one has been around for awhile so many of you may have already seen it. While it does bring back some rather frightening SYR memories (uh, why did we actually think the grocery store dance was cool???) I still find it highly amusing. Enjoy!

My Second Marriage

Recent conversation with my mother:

BDE (best daughter ever, that's me): So, are you going to be okay tomorrow...
BME (you can figure it out): You mean because it's grandma's birthday?
BDE: Yes.
BME: Well, it's also Tony's birthday. So it is a day to celebrate. Oh, and it's also your sister's fake anniversary too.
BDE: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Or is it their real anniversary?
BME: I have no clue. You kids make everything so difficult.
BDE: Not me! I've only been married once. It's all of YOU that are so weird.

So, for all my non-sibling readers, I guess I should explain this one. Everyone in my immediate family is on their second marriage. My grandparents, my parents, my older sister and my younger sister. But here's the catch - none of them have ever been divorced. Confused yet? This is just the tip of the weirdness iceberg that is my family. See, they all married the same person twice. My parents went the old fashioned route and married in the church, then renewed their vows on New Year's Eve in 1999. My grandparents and my two sisters went the justice of the peace route and then decided to walk down the church aisle. One of my sisters, who is PROLLY going to be mad at me for disclosing this, got married and didn't tell my parents until after her church wedding. So nurse Hottie and I are unique since we've only been married once. I'm nervous to ask him if he wants to get married again as he might say no. Or stipulate that his truck be the best man.

My Idol is a Gray Betty

Finally, American Idol is back. I have to say I prefer the competition part of the show more than the auditions. My favorite so far is the sixteen year old whose father was an NFL player. However, since we are in the audition phase...how can I refrain from commenting on the contestant in the above picture - am I the only person who instantly thought of the saggy boobs teacher from South Park??? (I have googled and discovered that character’s name is “Ms. Chokesondick” – obviously mature humor is not my strongpoint). I started out the day feeling badly about everything on my body that is sagging after having kids, saw this chick, and now feel like Cindy Crawford circa 1990.

I’m so over Gray’s Anatomy. Seriously. I'm tired of the backstage spats (and quite frankly, at this point all I’m waiting to hear is that the big old Mexican chick kicked Isaiah Washington’s ass after he referred to her as Burrito Butt), and the fact that every woman on the show (except for aforementioned Burrito Butt and Addison) all desperately need to start eating something. Anything. Personally, I think Isaiah is angry and getting in fights with all his castmates because he drew the short straw and got stuck having to make out with the show’s resident ugly girl. Don’t bother telling me I’m wrong – you all know she’s ugly too. I suppose the feminist within should be happy that network television is finally allowing homely girls a shot. After all, for years we've watched the networks cast beautiful women with ugly men that in the real world they wouldn't be caught dead with (unless they had Trump money. Trump money trumps ugliness - haha).

Something else that annoys me about Gray’s Anatomy - and I know I am probably going to get yelled at for this, but honestly, Patrick Dempsey is no McSteamy. McCutie, maybe. McGettingoldergracefully, okay. But McSteamy??? Never have, and never will get that. Especially when I recently heard that Rob Lowe was originally up for that part – now he would have been McSteamy. And I do like me some McDreamy. Who, ironically, also slept with Burrito Butt on the show – which, again – in the real world would never have happened. By far, the thing I truly detest about the show is its "star" - Meredith – UGH! Between having the world’s most annoying voice and constantly having that stupid “deer in the headlights” look on her face, I can’t stand her. The actress, the character, the whole thing. Someone get her a voice coach and a donut.

So, what am I watching? On New Year’s I found myself caught up in an Ugly Betty marathon, a show I deliberately avoided when it debuted, and I am now have to admit it is actually a really well done show. I don’t know that I would start watching mid-season – I think to get the essence of it you need to start from the beginning as there has been a lot of character development already. It is hysterical though. So if you’re not watching it, consider grabbing it on Netflix when season one comes out.

Making It Up As I Go

“Mom – Are an octopus and a squid friends?”

So this was the first question asked of me today after picking the boys up from school. It’s a great example of the types of questions I get asked on an hourly basis. My answer to this one ended up including an explanation of what an oceanographer is, and what squids eat. You might think that perhaps I’m giving them too much information, but since most of their marine life knowledge comes from watching Spongebob Squarepants, I felt it best to be thorough. In case you’re wondering, thanks to my son’s Spongebob obsession I’ve also had to explain that while sponges do exist, they actually don’t wear pants nor do they live in pineapples. Jake and I also have a recurring argument about whether or not Squidward is actually an octopus (he claims his head isn’t the right shape to be a squid). In any case, it’s become apparent that I probably should have taken Physics or Astronomy instead of Understanding Virus’ to meet the University’s science requirement (although, at the time, the high percentage of football players in Understanding Virus’ certainly seemed to signal that I had made an excellent choice). I’ve recently been asked about electricity, volcanos, whales, space exploration, gravity, martians, and why we need air to breathe and fish don’t (which resulted in quite the biology lecture from Steph on lungs and oxygen, btw). While I try to base my explanations on known scientific facts, there are definitely moments where I haven’t a damn clue what the answers are. Also the limited vocabulary of a four and three year old complicate things (what's a lung? what does oxygen taste like? see my point...) Unfortunately the boys don’t ask me about tax deductions, investment strategies, or whether or not Emmitt Smith is a better dancer than Mario Lopez. These are questions I can handle. Questions on baleen and plankton – not so much.

Paula Abdul is My Hero

I've been too busy working to post, so here's a lazy one for you. You can expect less and less blog effort from me as April 15th draws nearer...

Idol is one of my favorite shows, and one of the few that a reality tv junkie like myself can actually mention and not feel like a moron. However, the fact that Paula Abdul rakes in millions is one of those things that bugs the living crap out of me. What, exactly, qualifies her to judge the talent of others? Please don't answer "she was a singer". Let's leave those painful memories of trying to learn the moves in the Straight Up video in the past (and don't try to act like you all didn't do it as well). So that narrows Paula's attributes down to the following: being engaged to Emilio Estevez, having bulimia, and being a Laker Girl. Adding insult to injury is this interview, in which it's painfully obvious she is either completely wasted or in the midst of a stroke. I'll let you be the judge.

Would this be me?

As we approach V-Day, known to those over 80 as victory day, and to those in our household as vasectomy day, I'm starting to have second thoughts. Actually, second thoughts is too strong for what I'm having. I am questioning whether or not it's okay that my reasons for not wanting any more children are purely selfish. There's no medical reason why we shouldn't have more. While it might be more financially stressful, we certainly wouldn't lose our house if we had another child. Since nurse hottie turns 37 this month I am concerned about how old we'd be when our third child quits college on us, but let's face it - there are plenty of people in their 40's having children. The fact is that at the base of it all, the reason I don't want more children is because we're past the baby stage. Since my boys are only 14 months apart, I feel like I lived the extended remix version of the baby stage.

I've given up bottles, breastpumps, diapers, pacifiers, diaper bags, and strollers, and I don't want them back. I don't want all my clothes to smell like baby vomit or have formula stains on them. I don't want gates at the stairs, foolproof latches that confounded me, or to use that suction thing on any other babies noses.

I want Disneyworld, and bike rides, and people that can tell me when something hurts. I want the crazy never-ending questions - "can a monster eat a dinosaur?" "why does a volcano have a hole in it?" "what does a sponge eat?" - these are all from today, in case you were wondering. I want to hear my son recite the pledge of allegiance, even if he does think that we live in the "united states comerica" and that our country is "invisible with liberty and justice for all". That's the stage we're at now. But if I don't have any more babies, then once these two pass this stage it's gone forever as well.

As for the picture at the top of this post...this one struck a little too close to home. I already have two boys who think it is hilarious when they pee in the toilet at the same time. Do I really want to know if it's possible to fit a third stream?

My List

This is a picture of nurse hottie and I on our way up to two hundred feet above the ocean in Key West this past summer. If you haven’t done it, I highly recommend parasailing. I tend to be a bit on the scared whiny baby side of adventure, but I thoroughly enjoyed this. I think I tricked myself into believing that since we were attached to a parachute everything would be okay. That if we somehow got detached from the boat we’d just sort of leisurely float away…

For a lot of folks it’s New Year’s resolution time. I’m not one for resolutions. Instead, I have “the list”. The list was started back in August of 1993. I remember watching a Lou Holtz interview where he talked about sitting down and writing a list of things he wanted to do and achieve. He mentioned that on his list was (no big surprise here) to be the head coach at Notre Dame. That inspired me to start my own list. Like its author, the list is a picture of diversity. It runs from material (own an emerald ring – checked off in 1996) to serious (have children –checked off in 2002 and 2003) to the whimsical (make an apple pie from scratch – not done yet) to adventurous (whitewater rafting – 1998) to the type of person I want to be (buy presents for needy – 1996-present). Despite the fact that I'm discussing it here on the internet, the list is actually quite personal and private to me. I've shared it's entire contents only with my husband, and even that was after we'd been married for a few years. There are no deadlines with the list, no criteria for when I need to complete something, or add something new. Generally something will strike me and I’ll write it down. My most recent additions are to see an NFL game in every stadium, and to publish a magazine article. Certainly I’ve had a number of amazing experiences that weren’t on the list. Sometimes I'll complete a task without realizing it was even on the list (parasailing falls under that category). Sometimes completing something on the list alters me in a way I didn't anticipate. For those who didn't know, back in the 90's I spent two years as a mentor at a juvenile prison. What I learned during that time, both about myself and the world that those young men lived in (both inside and outside of prison) is way too personal for me to explore here in this forum. I will say this - it changed my perspective on why crimes are committed - and opened my eyes to the fact that not everyone who is a criminal is a "bad person". It opened a window to a socioeconomic and racial world which I likely would never have been exposed to if I hadn’t decided it was time to check “perform volunteer work” off my list.

In case you were wondering, I’ve only deleted one item from the list. Two years out of college I signed up, with 15 or so co-workers, to go skydiving. A week before our scheduled trip the instructors we were supposed to skydive with were all on a “fun jump” together and their plane crashed, killing all on board. I think two of the original co-workers still went skydiving a few months later. Me – I scratched it off the list.

I wouldn’t say I live my life for the list. But it is inspiring when I look and see that, for a thirty-three year old, I've experienced a lot. I remember what I’ve done, and how much I’ve lived, and it makes me look forward to continuing to experiencing all that I can, while I can.