Wednesday, October 10, 2007

I don't recall seeing that on the schedule...

Friday afternoon I'm walking Thing 1 home from the bus stop and asking the standard 'so what did you do today in school?'. Well, he says, I got married!

Uh, say again?

He then proudly shows me a plastic ring with the word "love" on it that he's wearing.

You didn't kiss her, did you?

Yup - when the teacher was in the supply closet.

His father's genes are already causing me problems...

Friday, October 05, 2007

Why I really should stick to the drive thru

On Fridays Thing 2 doesn't have school so we get to hang out together. In the bank today a woman in line behind me says "oh - he's so cute! How old is he?" So I answer, and then she starts talking to him. Finally she stops, but tells me "Oh, what a sweetie!". My son immediately comes back over to me and says in the loudest voice possible "Mom! I want to smell your butt!" I then spend the next 60 seconds trying to explain to him that butt smelling is inappropriate while he tries to (yes, you guessed it) get to my rear end for a sniff. Now never before has he tried to do this to me (and hopefully he never will again). But as I look over at the lady who was just talking to him I can just see her thinking "Hmmm...Perhaps he's not so cute after all..."

Thursday, October 04, 2007

I'm Baaaackkk!

Okay, so it's been awhile...and people are starting to wonder what is going on. The truth is I met another man online and left my husband and kids to go live with him. He's a Hungarian opera singer who enjoys sushi, long walks on the beach, and laughter. Then I found out my long lost identical twin sister needed a kidney transplant, so I was laid up after the operation. You believe me, right?

No? Fine, fine, you got me. The real truth isn't nearly so interesting though. I stopped blogging because I just had way to much other crap on my plate. You know, perhaps "crap on my plate" isn't a great expression to use - sounds kinda gross. My priorities were re-aligned, or is it re-adjusted...maybe re-focused? UHH, I'm so out of practice with this writing thing. Plus I haven't thought about what I was going to say so you're getting "stream of conscious Steph" which can be a very, very, ugly thing.

So what's been going on around here? Well Thing 1 is officially a Kindgergartener. I offer up my praises to the superintendant and whoever else is responsible for our town having full day Kindergarten. Yes, my son gets on the bus at 8:50 am and doesn't return home until 3:50 pm...and it is a beautiful thing! He loves school, his teacher, and his new friends. Thing 2 is attending preschool (also held at our local elementary school) and gets to ride the short bus from our home to school in the afternoon. Yes my friends, I get 3 HOURS TO MYSELF four days a week. 12 HOURS OF BLISS!!! Except...

That my CPA workload has gotten quite heavy lately. This is good (think cold hard cash) but bad (think very dirty house). But at least I now have some time to be a professional without having to worry about anyone screaming for another Capri Sun in the background...

Nurse Hottie is still both a nurse and hot. He's become quite obsessed with a game called "World of Warcraft" and when he's not doing that, he's driving around the area looking at boats. See, he's been trying to convince me that we need to buy one. He has me pretty well worn down, because although I know he'll be spending all sorts of money on "boat crap" it's something we can do as a family so it won't irritate me as much as money spent on "truck crap".

That's all for now. I promise I won't take as long to post again.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

8 Things About Me...

So this seems to be a popular thing to do on blogs - write 8 random things about yourself. Then you tag someone else and they do the same. Given that I only have about 3 readers that have their own blogs, I'm going to forego the tagging part. I will, without further ado, now share 8 random things about moi...

1. Both Thing 1 and Thing 2 were born at 5:19 (one in the am and one in the pm). They were also both 8 pounds 1 ounce. I have no clue as to how long they were since they didn't bother being the same length - really that was too much info for me to retain.

2. I love football. LOVE it. I participate in a gambling pool each year (which is totally illegal - but I'm sure the Feds have better things to do with their time) with myself, Lambette, and 20 plus other guys. Either Lambette or I always kick ass and I know it bugs the shit out of these guys to lose to a woman.

3. I feel guilty about charging my clients for my services. I know that's foolish but I just feel like they shouldn't have to pay for something that is so inherently easy for me. Then again, if it was easy for them they'd do it themselves...but still.

4. I have a totally functional family. I'm one of five children, we all support one another (we have out little spats for sure, but nothing major), my parents kick ass and are incredibly loving and helpful. I seriously hit the lottery when it came to my family.

5. I love to dance. I can't hear music without dancing to it.

6. When I was a kid I wanted to go be a whale trainer at Seaworld. I still think that would be a fantastic job.

7. My maid of honor had to tell me lines from Wayans Brother movies before I walked down the aisle to settle me down. I just got really emotional and looked her in the face and said "make me laugh now!". So she starts spouting out lines. So one of wedding day memories is now her yelling "I hate black pepper!" at me.

8. I watch reality tv. I'm a total whore too - I'll try any show once. Right now I'm ADDICTED to Big Brother. And I'm ashamed to admit I'm watching that Rock of Love show with Bret Michaels (every rose has it's thorn...). It's basically him dating a bunch of strippers and groupies. I think Bret's next stint will be Celebrity Fit Club - and if it is I'm sure I'll be watching!

Sunday, August 05, 2007

I hope...

I hope my friend that is expecting her 3rd child goes into labor ASAP.

I hope that Thing 2 realizes that the odds of me finding a birthday cake that features both Pooh Bear and a giant monster on it are slim to none.

I hope that my fear of driving over large bridges doesn't get any worse.

I hope that ND crushes BC this year, since my sister just gave my dad tix for that game as his birthday present.

I hope that Thing 1 always dances with the fervor that he demonstrated last night.

I hope my aunt's cancer has gone away.

I hope that my hairdresser doesn't actually carry out her threat to make me bald the next time she cuts my hair.

I hope this insomnia I've been suffering from as of late goes away.

I hope Nurse Hottie's tires and wheels come in soon...and that he's able to keep his promise to stop obsessing about "his mistress" (for at least a few weeks - I am realistic!).

I hope Nurse Hottie and I still look at each other after 40 yrs together the way my parents looked at each other last night.

Note for those who don't know me - yes, that's me slow dancing with Thing 1. My parents are dancing to the left of me - I could have cropped it but I wanted to keep the picture with them in there as well.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Weekly Rant - An Eye for an Eye

There are a lot of people out there who do horrible things. I know that - I hate it - but I know that. I worked as a volunteer mentor for 2 years in a juvenile prison back in VA. I learned firsthand that there are criminals, and there are CRIMINALS. Some people do horrible things because they simply don't know any better. Their personal life experience has shown them that crime pays, so they committed crimes. I'm not saying they were correct, but I can see how they went down the path they went down. Then there are other people who are, for lack of a better description, just mean. They enjoy hurting others. Those were the young men who scared me.

I find myself swaying from time to time back and forth on the death penalty issue, and it's primarily due to my experience in the juvenile facility. However, there is one crime that I think deserves the death penalty. And that is when someone murders a child. Specifically when perpetrated by the parent of that child.

So I propose the following - if you kill your child, you will be killed. In exactly the same manner that you murdered your offspring. If you drown the child, you shall be drowned. Beat them to death, we beat your ass to death, if you starved them, we starve you, etc. etc.

I was discussing this topic with one of my sisters and she felt that my method didn't work well if someone poisoned their child. After all, that possibly wasn't a very painful way to die...

Therefore I propose that if you poison your child, we will put you and jail and poison you. Except we won't tell you when. That way you can be terrified at every meal. Like you deserve to be.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

My Worst Fear

So last night Nurse Hottie and I sat down and watched the movie "Premonition". You know, the one with Sandra Bulloch where she wakes up one day and her husband dies in an accident, then wakes up the next day and he's alive...and basically she's trying to figure out what day it is and how to save her husband.

Note: In case you want to see this movie I'm not going to spoil it for you, (at least I don't think) so you can keep reading.

This movie was, quite honestly, the worst one I'd seen in a LONG time. There is probably 30 minutes of film dedicated to watching Sandra's character do laundry and clean the house. Seriously. No Bullshit. 30 minutes of this crap. Okay, cut to the point where she starts waking up on different days in time. She's at the funeral. Since she can't figure out why she's waking up one day and he's alive, the next he's dead, she does the obvious thing - yells at the funeral director to open the casket. Dammit - she wants to see the dead body! So, of course, the pall bearers "accidentally" drop the casket while taking it out of the hearse. At which point it opens and her husband's head falls out and starts rolling down the street. Again - seriously, no bullshit. This scene had me laughing my ass off. And it only got worse from there...

The disturbing part of this is that it brought up some serious fears for me (and here comes the point of this post). I find that there are moments where I am terrified for my children's safety - where it hits me really hard that something horrible could happen to them in the future and I could lose them. I do realize that protecting them and keeping them safe at all times is not a possibility (side note - if you ask either of my boys what my job is their response is "to keep us safe"). But there are times when I literally feel ill from the worry that some day I could lose them. It's not rational, but it happens to me. And pretty regularly.

So here's my question - is this normal? I know that Nurse Hottie is concerned about the safety of the boys, but he also doesn't get upset like I do. Maybe it's a mommy thing? Or maybe I need medication... :)