There's a problem in our household. A serious one, that I don't know how to solve.
Thing 2, previously known as my sweet, cuddly, angel boy, has changed. This is the child that if we went to the bank without his brother, would insist that we get a lollipop for him. He was thoughtful and loving. And he still is, at times.
But lately he has become a hitter. Not just a tap on the hand hitter either. Oh no, we're talking full on punches here, Mike Tyson style (thankfully he doesn't seem to have any need to bite anyone's ear off). In my mind I've started thinking of him as "Fists of Fury". He started whaling on his brother at a local sub shop the other day and although I was only about 2 feet away he got in 5 or 6 good, hard, hits. Not only is he physically aggressive, but he is so incredibly angry in those moments. This is not the child I have known for almost four years. I'm not sure who this is.
Now, on the positive side (what little positive side there is) he's not hitting anyone other than his brother. The teachers at preschool haven't seen any indication of this behavior. They still think he's a sweetie pie, and remain clueless about the Ali within. Also, to Thing 1's credit, he's not hitting his brother back.
On the incredibly frustratingly (yeah, I'm making words up here) negative side, neither my husband nor I have a clue as to a)where this anger and aggression are coming from and b)how to stop it. We've given timeouts, stopped and talked to him, explained to him that this is inappropriate, etc. etc. I'm really at a loss. I welcome any suggestions anyone who has seen/experienced this (particularly anyone willing to tell me this is just a phase :)
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5 comments:
I have a few not so p.c. suggestions, but they worked with my daughters.
My younger daughter got quite aggressive, but the older one never fought back. After seeing the older one get walloped one too many times, I made her fight back. Instead of making them break up, I let the older one get in a few good shots on the younger one, and by then they were both ready to stop. The younger one realized that she wasn't going to get away with it any more, and the older one realized I wasn't going to go overboard about her defending herself. They still fight, but it's usually much more containable, and all I have to do is threaten to make them fight for real again and they straighten right up.
My father did much the same with us as boys. If / when we turned physical, he put gloves on us and let us fight it out. There were rules (no kicking, biting, etc) but he let us get out the aggression in a controlled environment. We also knew that if he caught us fighting outside of the controlled environment, we were both dead meat.
My older sister used to beat the crap out of me. Until I was around 11 and she was 14 - I started fighting back hard. My dad came in and refused to stop us because I was finally winning. She stopped (for the most part) beating on me after that...
So I don't disagree with your idea - but my boys are almost 4 and 5. I don't think they're supposed to be this physical with one another at this point. I expected this when they were older.
Don't worry about Thing 1 - I'm pleasantly surprised he's not hitting back because historically he has been pretty physical with his brother. I sorta expect him to haul off and nail his brother any day now.
Eeek.
My daughter used to totally beat the crap outta me whenever she was frustrated and/or mad...
Once she started 'using her words" she stopped.
I don't know how verbal Thing2 is, but just say "I know you are (insert feeling here) but hitting isn't the way to tell your brother...And then model the sentence he should use...Like "Thing 1...Thing 2 is angry at you for taking his toy."...Whatever it may be..
I hope I'm not sounding smartassed here...but I found this worked with my daughter and even the fourth graders I used to teach...
Tell me to shut up now.
Thanks Janet - I'll try that. You're not sounding like a smartass - I'm asking for suggestions here and appreciate anyone willing to give one to me! There are no language issues with him, but showing him the proper way to react instead of the Mike Tyson version he's currently using is a good idea.
Gosh, I have no real advice to give b/c my son is still really young so we are just now starting to read about how to discipline and stuff. I have heard great things about the book 123 Magic, which is a spin on the "time-out" technique. I bought the book and just started reading it. It sounds like it might really work. Might be worth a read??
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